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"There's something wrong with him," said Janine. From where they were sitting, the sound of the typewriter could be faintly heard. There was a pile of paperbacks on the table between them, and on each one in letters larger than the title was the name "Colin Pendergast".



"What's his new one like?" said Alice.


"The same." Janine shook her head. Beside the paperbacks was a stack of typed sheets. She picked up the top sheet and handed it to Alice. She read the title and first few lines, then looked up at her friend shock and dismay on her face. "Oh" was all she said.


The typing stopped and there was the sound of a piece of paper being pulled from the typewriter. After a moment, a man came out onto the patio where the two women were sitting. He was a handsome man, but a second look told you he was intelligent too. Careworn but with a twinkle in his eye.


"Hiya Colin," said Alice.


"Oh, hi Alice," he said. A warm grin spread across his face. "How are Rupert and the kids?"


"They're fine," she said, "Billy had a lovely birthday party last week."


"At Sea World," he said, "I remember. Hey, did he get my birthday poem."


"Yes," said Alice.


"Great, did he like it?"


"Sure he did." Alices' smile didn't slip a bit.


"Good," said Colin, "I'm going down to the store, to get some more paper. Can I get you lady's anything?"


"We're fine," said Janine, then stopped. "Actually, could you get some meat for tonight, either chicken or turkey."


"I wasn't going all the way to the supermarket," he said, "I was just nipping down to the store."


"Please," said Janine, "The Salomans are coming tonight and this would really help me out."


"Sure, why not. I'll see you later Alice." He went into the house. The two women listened and when they heard the sound of the car backing down the drive, Alice said, "Has Graham read this?" Janine shook her head.


"He'd send him back,"  she said.


"Has he read any of them?" Janine shook her head. "And you can't stop him."


"I can, but he just sits there and that's worse. I don't think Graham suspects anything. But he knows something isn't right."


"So what are you going to do? You'll have to send him back."


"I can't Alice, I think I love him. I... Graham's never here and when he is it's like he doesn't really see me. When Colin looks at me it's like he understands everything. He dedicated all those books to me. He says I'm his inspiration."


"That's what they say Janine. It doesn't mean anything, not really."


"I know, I know. Oh God, I didn't know he'd sent Billy a birthday card. I'm sorry. I tell Colin things. I know I shouldn't, but he always knows what to say."


"It's OK. I don't think Billy fully grasped what he meant."


"I have to get rid of him, don't I?"


"What will you tell Graham?"


"I don't know. Colin was his idea. He thought it would be good for me to have some company." She laughed and there were tears in the laughter.


"Will you get your money back?" said Alice. Janine shook her head.


"He's been here too long. You can get you money back after a week, but beyond that they change too much. And after everything I've... said." Her voice trailed off. "They'll take him back for spares, but he's not worth anything now to anyone but me."


They heard the car coming back up the drive.


"I'd best go," said Alice, "Be firm with him." Alice went into the house. Janine heard her saying goodbye to Colin at the door. She sat there on the patio waiting. Footsteps in the kitchen, the fridge door opened and closed. She heard the paper bags crackling. Colin appeared at the patio window.


"I got chicken," he said, "and paper. The new book's nearly finished." He smiled the trade mark smile. His eyes twinkled as merry as christmas tree lights.


He's not real, thought Janine. But there he was. Large as life.


"Are you OK Janine?" he said. The brow wrinkled, pushed into and out of shape by a hundred tiny motors, but all Janine saw was the concern, perfectly modulated concern that had sold thousands of units across the world.


"Oh Colin," she said and the words bubbled up over the rapidly rising flood of tears. He moved forwards and scooped her up into his arms the way the heroes did in his books. She looked up into her eyes, her trembling lips parted.


"I love you Janine," and they kissed. He held her for a long time whispering sweet nothings. He always knew what to say. "I'd do anything for you." Through the tears, her eyes sparkled.